The Only Rule of Steamroller
by Calendulam
Summary: At the end of the day, what can they really do but try and comfort each other? Klaine and Brittana, post OMW.


Another instalment in my Klaintana spooning 'verse. I've made the addition of Brittany in this one, so I guess I'll start calling it_ Klittana_ instead. I have no idea if there is a name for Kurt/Blaine/Brittany/Santana, but Klittana makes me laugh, so Klittana it is!

So... it goes** I Will Stand With You at the Gates of Hell**, **Conversations with Spoons**,** Bitter vs Sweet** and this one. I should probably make a master post or something.

This will likely be the only reaction-type fic I write for OMW, though I was originally planning something more. That episode just rubbed me in so many of the wrong ways that I would rather just pretend it never happened.

I don't own Glee. Obviously. Or OMW would never have, in fact, happened and I wouldn't have to pretend.

~0~

**The Only Rule of Steamroller**

At the end of the day, what can they really do but try and comfort each other? Brittany has taken Santana's position as littlest spoon, both hands clasped around one of Santana's and holding it to her chest. Her feet are dangling off the side of Blaine's bed and Santana keeps twining their legs together in order to drag Brittany's back onto the mattress. Britt giggles and frees her legs and reaches back to slap her girlfriend on the ass, only to end up reaching too far and swatting Kurt instead.

Kurt squawks and smacks Santana, thinking it was her.

"Damn, Prancerella, you getting frisky back there or something? I know I've got a hot ass and you've got a spanking fetish, but keep your hands on Blainers."

"You did it to me first. Just repaying the favour."

"That was Britts."

"You can spank me if you want, Kurt," Brittany says.

"Sorry, Brittany, I've got dibbs on that action."

"_Blaine!_" Kurt hides his warm face in the pillows. "I am not spanking anyone, okay?" he mumbles against the fabric.

"Yeah, sure you aren't. Besides all of those times when you totally are," Santana says, and grins into Brittany's hair.

"That was one time!"

"One _amazing_ time."

"Oh my God, Blaine! Stop talking."

Santana quakes with laughter and Brittany turns around to tickle her and kiss her nose.

Everyone cuddles in again and it's quiet for a long moment before Brittany speaks. "Man, you guys," she says, her voice small, like she is terrified to address the elephant in the room. "I'm so glad Quinn is awake."

Santana squeezes her tight. "Me too, Britts."

"I know. What a relief," Blaine agrees. "It'll be nice when we can all get in to actually see her." He runs his fingers over the back of Kurt's hand, up and down. He knows how upset Kurt had been the last time he had really spoken to Quinn; how he had said things that he didn't mean, as he tends to do when he's hurting. "We'll all talk to her soon," he says.

"God, this year," Santana says. "What other horrible crap can possibly happen?"

"That's bad luck, Tan," Brittany whispers. "Don't tempt the evil luck dwarves."

"Oh, those dwarves can kiss my ass. They've been messing with us all year. I get outed, my grandmother disowns me, Blainers gets hurt, Karofsky tries to..." Kurt tenses up behind her and she rests a hand on his hip. "And if you try and take the blame for that again, I'm giving you another Indian sunburn. I will make that shit scar your perfect, lily white skin." Kurt chuckles a little and Santana smiles. Blaine's hand reaches forward and rubs just once across her back.

"And let's not forget," Santana continues, "Garden Gnome and Sand Bags trying to get hitched. Who thought _that _was a good idea? I swear, if they ever procreate it will cause Armageddon. Their DNA together? BAM: Antichrist!"

"Santana, that's mean!" Blaine says, though his laughter is shaking the bed.

"Is that true?" Brittany asks. "Maybe we should get out of here, then. I want to be far away when Finn fertilizes her incredibly loud and badly dressed eggs."

"Aww, Britt, you learned where babies come from!" Kurt says, though he is proudest of her comment about Rachel's eggs.

"I was worried about Santana and me making a baby with the Purple Guy, so she got me a picture book."

"An illustrated guide, Britt."

"Who's the Purple Guy?" Blaine asks and Santana snorts a laugh.

"Don't ask, honey," Kurt says and reaches back to squeeze Blaine's hip. "Therein lies nothing but trauma to our psyches."

"Oh?" Blaine asks. He's quiet for half a second and then, "_Oh._"

"Caught on have you, Sweet 'N Low?"

"Erm... yeah."

"Oh, the Purple Guy. He's Santana's favourite," Brittany sing-songs and Santana and Blaine laugh at Kurt's shudder. "You guys," she continues. "When Quinn is better we should all stay at my family's lake house for a weekend. The whole glee family."

"That's an amazing idea, Brittany," Kurt says. "You should tell Quinn when we get to see her."

"Thanks, Kurt." Brittany's smile is evident in her voice. "It really means a lot to me when you like my ideas. Especially you, since you're one of the smartest, awesomest people I know."

"Aww, thanks Britt."

"And also hot."

"I... um, _thanks_."

"You're welcome, my little unicorn."

"Speaking of hot," Santana interrupts. "Isn't Hot Brother coming for another visit this weekend?"

Kurt perks up. "Yeah, he totally is."

"Hey!" Blaine says and gives Kurt a playful smack on the ass.

"Oh, I see what's going on. You only said that _you_ weren't doing any spanking, Prancey. Blainers is picking up the slack so you don't revert to your boring, vanilla ways."

"Oh, God," Kurt groans. "Please don't touch my ass while she is in the room."

"I'm really excited to meet Brother Anderson," Brittany says.

"It's just Cooper, okay?" Blaine tells her. "Brother Anderson makes him sound like a missionary or something."

"Missionary? But there are so many other way better positions he should try, like scissors and backwards cowgirl and –"

"Um, I meant..."

Kurt pats Blaine's hand and shakes his head a little. "Don't even," he says. Blaine is forever trying to explain things to Brittany when she gets confused and there really just aren't enough hours in a _life_.

"Also, he should try going on top. I love going on top."

"Hells yeah you do," Santana says, her voice low and sultry.

"I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit," Kurt informs them.

"Oh, whatever," Santana replies with a roll of her eyes. "Quit pretending to be a prude. I know exactly the ratio of times you've been on top versus bottom since you and Blainers started getting busy, and how quick you are to drop to your knees the moment you two are left alone. I've got pie charts and everything. And your libido is bigger than this entire freaking McMansion."

Kurt pokes Blaine in the hip and grumbles. "Why do you tell her things?"

"I dunno. She's a good listener," Blaine answers, trying to hide the grin in his voice.

"Only because she's collecting information for future blackmailing opportunities."

"Someday Santana will be the head of the CIA," Brittany says with complete confidence. "Like a beautiful James Bond that I can actually understand."

"Thanks, Britt-Britt," Santana says. "And don't try and shame me on the blackmailing, Gossip Girl." She pokes Kurt's shoulder with one long, red nail. "You and I have scheming in common. By rights we should be besties. We could rule the world."

"That would be the best world ever," Brittany says, her voice dreamy. "Blaine and I could be your princesses and if anyone was ever mean to us, you would cut them with your vicious words and throw them in the dungeon. And could Lord Tubbington have a red velvet cape and a jeweled crown? Because he feels his title should really afford him such items."

There is a beat of silence before Blaine speaks up. "He definitely can, Britt. Maybe we could go shopping for them on Friday after school."

"You don't think it's stupid?" Brittany asks, her voice sounding timid.

"Not at all. When I was young we had a dog and we dressed her like Nana from Peter Pan. You know, with the dress and little hat? And she liked it. She'd get all sad when we took it off to give her a bath," Blaine says. "So I'm sure Lord Tubbington is the same as my dog was. We should really get shopping soon. If we can't find the cape, we can go to the fabric store. I know someone who can sew brilliantly."

Kurt twists in Blaine's arms and gives him a wry smile and a peck on the lips.

"Kurt, you've got the best boyfriend ever," Brittany says.

"Oh, I am aware," Kurt answers, still smiling at Blaine, eyes sparkling. "And very lucky."

"And you're the best girlfriend, Britt," Santana says. "You and Blainers should totally be best friends."

"Okay. As long as he's not jealous that I got to kiss Kurt first."

"I promise to try my very best not to be," Blaine reassures her, grinning into the back of Kurt's neck.

"I won't, like, rub it in your face or anything."

"Thanks, Britt."

"Even though Kurt tastes super good and sweet like candy."

"Yes, he does."

"It's true," Santana agrees, though she sounds surprised with herself.

"Er... _thanks_?"

"So, it's settled then," Brittany exclaims and claps her hands together. "I'm coming back there to cuddle you, new best friend."

Brittany rolls onto her back a little ways from Santana, then rolls half onto her side, then back again. She repeats this motion several times, gathering momentum before rolling herself over Santana, Kurt and finally Blaine, yelling "Steamroller!"

Once she settles in behind Blaine, she giggles into his neck and hugs him to her. "The only rule of Steamroller," she says, "is there is no groping during Steamroller."

"That's probably a good rule," Blaine says.

"So... we're all sort of best friends now, huh?" Brittany asks.

"Of course we are," Blaine says, Kurt and Santana echoing his sentiment.

"Are we the sort of best friends who all make out together, or...?"

"NO," the others answer in unison.

"Just checking."


End file.
